


in the woods somewhere

by CommanderMollyOBrien



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU, Bilbo is a Bewildered Country Gentleman, Eldritch Elves, Elrond and Maglor are Tired of Silmaril-Related Bad Decisions, Gandalf is a Tired Uncle Who Wants Everyone On This Road Trip To Calm Down and also a Bastard, Gen, I cannot stress enough that this won't make sense if you don't know the Silmarillion, I did not mean for kili/elladan to be a Thing but they had a mind of their own, I just used the bits of the book and the movies that I like, Kidnap Dads, M/M, Quenya is not a dead language in the Third Age, The Arkenstone is a Silmaril, There is a Lot of First Age stuff, This is a fic of the Hobbit, This isn't specifically book or movie canon for the Hobbit itself, but it really won't make sense unless you've read the Silmarillion, eldritch peredhil, elladan is an Horrifying Eldritch Bastard, fae elves, i guess, kili is a Disaster Bi, latinx house of elrond, the line of luthien are part-maia and therefore get reality-bending eldritch abilities
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:27:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderMollyOBrien/pseuds/CommanderMollyOBrien
Summary: An alternative take on the Rivendell scenes in the Hobbit with more First Age references, the Peredhil being eldritch, and 10-year-old Estel ruining everyone's Very Dramatic Moments.Title from In The Woods Somewhere by Hozier.Edits made since last update.
Relationships: Aragorn | Estel & Elrond Peredhel, Elladan & Elrohir & Elrond Peredhel, Elrond Peredhel & Maglor | Makalaurë, Gandalf | Mithrandir & Thorin's Company, Kíli/Elladan
Comments: 67
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [With Eyes of Nightingales](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26407858) by [JazTheBard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazTheBard/pseuds/JazTheBard). 
  * Inspired by [Archaeology](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23913490) by [JazTheBard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JazTheBard/pseuds/JazTheBard). 



"Just admit it! We are lost!" Bilbo grumbled for the tenth time.

"This is quite regular near Rivendell," Gandalf insisted, "We'll be there very soon."

Kili angrily gestured to a particularly gnarled oak tree, "We have passed this tree four times!"

"It's a different tree!" Gandalf insisted, as if saying it would make anyone believe it.

"It's really not."

The Company turned to see who had spoken. An elf with night-dark hair was leaning against a tree. Bilbo was quite sure he hadn't been there a moment ago. 

"Elladan!" Gandalf said.

Elladan grinned and hugged him, "It's good to see you again, Mithrandir," he said in Quenya Feanárian enough to make both of his grandmothers flinch if they ever heard it.

Elladan bowed to the Company and said in Khuzdul, "Elladan Elrondion at your service."

Thorin looked surprised, "Thorin Oakenshield at yours. I did not know that there were any elves who knew Khuzdul."

"Perhaps the Sindar and the Silvans of Mirkwood do not," Elladan responded, "But Imladris is a city of the Noldor as well as the Sindar, and the Noldor have not forgotten what our peoples accomplished together in ages past." 

"Um, I don't mean to be rude," Bilbo awkwardly broke the silence, "But have you been watching us walk in circles for days?"

Elladan smiled. Bilbo felt quite sure that smiles weren't meant to have that many teeth, "I did not say you were walking in circles, only that you had passed the same tree four times." 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Bilbo exclaimed, "How can we possibly have walked past the same place four times and not been walking in circles?"

"The Hidden Valley is surrounded by illusions," Elladan explained, "And directions are... different here, the more so the closer you get to Imladris. You were going in more or less the correct direction."

Thorin sputtered, "What do you mean, directions are different? Are you suggesting that we could walk straight west and find that we had moved east?" 

"Exactly," Elladan looked pleased, "You've been doing that all week. Come on!"

The Company collectively shrugged, decided that following him couldn't be any worse than walking in circles for the next month, and followed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Elladan did intentionally confuse them with the general eldritch-ness of Rivendell so they would be too distracted to make an issue of the fact that they had been spied on. He's a tricky bastard. He learned from the very best.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the forest's incomprehensible nature, it was, Bilbo admitted, quite beautiful. As the sun set, a pair of deer grazed on wildflowers in a clearing. 

"Look," Bilbo whispered, "Isn't it beautiful?" 

"No," Kili nocked an arrow, "it's dinner."

"What?" Bilbo exclaimed, as quietly as he could, "You can't just shoot them!"

"Of course I can," Kili responded cheerfully, "They're not far at all,"

"No, you can't just-" Bilbo sputtered, "Elladan, you stop him!"

"I have a better idea," Elladan grinned, "I'll kill the buck. Shoot on three?"

Kili nodded as Bilbo sputtered incoherently, "One, two, three!"

The stag and doe crumpled, each with an arrow through the eye. 

"Good shot," Elladan smiled. 

Kili blushed and look down. 

Meanwhile, Bilbo did not seem to be able to put a full sentence together, "You just-why would you-I thought elves-" 

Kili looked perplexed, "You do know where meat comes from, don't you?" 

"Of course I do, but damn it, you just- _Elladan_ _what are you doing?"_

Elladan's already sharp nails has changed into bone-white claws.

He laughed, "Getting dinner!" 

Elladan twisted his claws into the deer's chest, and began to rip out strips of meat. 

Bilbo decided he never again wanted to hear anyone laugh as Elladan was laughing. 

The Company looked bewildered, Bilbo looked like he was going to be sick, and Kili looked far more flustered than any sane person had a right to be.

Gandalf sighed, "Bilbo Baggins, if you are going to be sick, don't stand near me. Kili, stop staring at Elladan and go dress that other deer. Fili, help Kili. The rest of you layabouts, go set up camp."

Thorin exclaimed, "Layabouts?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Elladan naturally Like That, or is he messing with the Company? Yes.


	3. Chapter 3

"We're at the border wards," Elladan told the Company, "Step through after me. This will be disorientating, to say the least."

He stepped over a white stone, and vanished. 

Thorin tentatively followed him. 

For an instant, Thorin felt as if the forest was spinning in circles and he had just stepped through a wall of water.

When he could see clearly, he saw a beautiful city of white stone over a mountain waterfall. The air was warmer than it should have been and despite it being late afternoon, the city was wreathed in mist. The forest had changed, too, the trees taller and greener and wrapped in bright flowers and ferns. The air carried the songs of birds that the Company had never heard.

It hurt to look at the white city. Something about it seemed _wrong,_ as if the design of it was ever so slightly impossible to really exist. 

One by one, each member of the Company stepped through the wards, staggered around in confusion for a few moments, and then wondered at the scene that had appeared. 

"Come on," Elladan looked awfully satisfied with himself, "We have to go into the city."


	4. Chapter 4

The lord of the city looked statuesque, blue robes shining against his golden brown skin, as he smiled at the Company with teeth that were just a bit too sharp, "Welcome to Imladris, Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thror."

"Lord Elrond," Thorin responded, "I don't believe we've met."

He looked amused, "Elladan told me you were coming. And you do greatly resemble your grandfather."

As Elrond and Thorin talked, the dark-haired elf at Elrond's side eyed the bloodstains on Elladan's coat and the self-satisfied expression on his face. 

_Elladan, have you been terrifying our guests?_

Elladan shrugged in response to hearing his grandfather's _osanwe_. 

_Not my fault they've never seen a shapeshifter before._

Maglor sighed.

_You're even worse than your father was._

"Elladan, help our guests get settled," Elrond interrupted their silent conversation, "Mithrandir, we have much to discuss." 

Gandalf looked more than a little uncomfortable about having to talk about the quest to Elrond and Maglor, "Surely, it can wait until after dinner?"

Maglor's bright eyes flashed with anger and Gandalf heard his voice in his mind.

_We know what the Arkenstone really is, Olorin._


	5. Chapter 5

"Let me see if I understand you, Mithrandir," Gandalf hadn't seen Maglor this angry in an Age, "Your plan is for this hobbit to steal a Silmaril from a dragon of Moringotho, and give the Silmaril to Thorin Oakenshield so he can call on the armies of the seven Dwarven kingdoms to defeat Smaug."

"Well," Gandalf said, "that's the general idea."

Maglor's voice was quiet and venomous, "And have you forgotten what Silmaril-mad rulers have done to Arda before?"

"I think you'll have to be more specific, Atar," Elrond continued, no less furious, "Do you mean Moringotho who lost his mind and ravaged Beleriand, or Feanaro Curufinwe who slew his own kin at Alqualonde, or Elu Thingol who went to his own death, or Dior Eluchil and Elwing Dioriel after him who let Doriath and Sirion burn?"

Gandalf began, "The Simarils do not cause madness in all who hold them-"

"Do not speak to me of Earendil the Blessed!" Elrond shouted, glowing with an incomprehensible light, "I have _heard_ of his loyalty to Arda!"

"I would speak of Luthien Tinuviel and Beren Ercharmion, who stole a Silmaril from Morgoth and kept their minds," Gandalf responded sharply.

"Beren held a Silmaril for all of ten minutes before Carcharoth bit off his fucking hand," Elrond was not longer shouting, but was still radiant with anger, "And though neither knew it, they wrought the deaths of their own people. I _saw_ what happened at Sirion, Mithrandir. You did not. I did."

Maglor looked like he had been slapped. 

"And have you not seen the devastation the dragons caused when they fought at the side of Morgoth and Gorthaur?" Gandalf snapped, "If Smaug should ally himself with Sauron, all of Rhovanion may burn!"

Maglor answered, his voice shaking with panic and rage, "I have, and I still say it is better to face one powerful enemy united, then to have all our allies turn on each other in madness!" 

Maglor and Gandalf both looked as though they were about to start shouting again when Elrond spoke, "Atar, _breathe._ You're panicking. We're all panicking. We aren't getting anything done like this."

After a minute, Elrond turn to stare at a nearby raven, "Elrohir, please stop hiding and assume your regular form."

The raven shifted into a elf with a guilty expression and a Maiarin light in his eyes. 

"How long did you know?" Elrohir asked, sounding as if he felt just a little bit bad about spying on them.

"Since you arrived," Elrond smiled slightly, "It's very impressive that you maintained a open mind-link with Arwen in Lothlorien during our entire conversation, but such a link is very easy to notice."

"Besides," Gandalf added, "Ravens are a little dramatic for spying. Maybe try a sparrow next time."

Elrond pretended he hadn't been interrupted, "What do you and Arwen think about all this?"

"I think that you both have good points, and that it really comes down to what is worse: the destruction of Þauron having a dragon on his side, or the chaos caused by an insane King Under The Mountain attacking anyone he sees as a threat," Elrohir paused for a moment, then shook his head, "Arwen thinks that this whole conversation is pointless, because Mithrandir will do what he's decided is best for the world, just like he always does, and there isn't anything we can do about it short of killing him, because-NO, Arwen, I'm not calling him that, he's _right there_ and so is Ada!"

Gandalf looked like he was struggling not to laugh.

Elrond thought at Maglor, _If Elrohir wasn't watching, I would hit Mithrandir._

Maglor replied, _I know. I would, too._

Maglor sighed and shook his head, "I have some damn smart grandkids."

"Thanks, _haru._ " Elrohir pointed behind him, "Also, Estel just snuck behind that tree to spy on us."

"I know," Elrond sighed and raised his voice, "Estel, please come out from there." 

A Mannish child with the dark eyes and brown complexion of a Numenorean scurried out from behind a tree.

He did _not_ sound like he felt guilty, "How'd you find me?"

Elrond laughed, "You're getting better at blocking ósanwe, but your thoughts are easier to sense the closer you get to someone. You also need to check your lines of sight. I couldn't see you move, but Elrohir could. And it's not polite to spy on people, you know."

Estel shrugged, "You never tell me anything important. How else am I supposed to find out about grown-up things?"

"Well, this was actually a very boring conversation about our visitors," Elrond told him, "You'd probably have more fun with Elladan talking to them. I hear they're going on a very important quest."

"If it was so boring, why were you glowing and yelling about something?" Estel asked suspiciously.

Elrond sighed, "You're a smart kid, Estel. I'll tell you when you're older." 

"How much older?" Estel responded. 

"Twenty," Elrond tried and failed miserably at sounding stern.

"Fifteen."

"Nineteen."

"Sixteen."

"Eighteen, and that's final." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify, in case it wasn't clear, I don't think Elrond is angry at Luthien and Beren or Earendil and Elwing themselves. I think he was angry at Elwing and Earendil for a time, then worked past it. He is, however, very angry that SOME PEOPLE haven't learned from history about the damage the Silmarils have done.
> 
> Elrohir calls Maglor _haru_ , which is Quenya for grandad. 
> 
> Kudos to anyone who finds and points out the mythology reference.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very awkward dinner, featuring:  
> -Elrond, who really wishes everyone would stop asking questions about the First Age  
> -Maglor, who is still very angry at Gandalf  
> -Bilbo, who cannot take a hint  
> -Estel, who is blissfully oblivious to all the secrets  
> -The Company, who are confused, to say the least  
> -And more!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure who originally had the idea of Earendil killing Ancalagon by ramming Vingilote through him, but that is mentioned in this chapter, so thank you.

"A real dragon?" Estel apparently couldn't stop asking questions long enough to eat more than one bite a minute, "How big is it?"

Kili shrugged with a poor impression of detachment, "Bigger than the building we're in."   
  
"Oh," Estel looked disappointed, "I thought it'd be bigger." 

"Are you kidding?" Fili said, "It's a dragon! It's huge!" 

"I've heard of dragons the size of mountain ranges," he announced brightly, "Ada and Haru saw one once."

Bilbo dropped his fork, "There aren't any dragons that big anymore, right? Right?"

Maglor seem distant, or at least more distant than he had been all dinner, "No, that during was the War of Wrath. There was only ever one dragon of such power, and he was made with all of Morgoth's sorcery."

"Morgoth?" Bilbo asked curiously, "I thought he was a fairytale."

Maglor laughed bitterly, "And are you not in a fairytale now?"

"Well, I suppose-" 

"It isn't a fairytale because you're living through it now," Maglor stared off into the distance, "But if it is remembered a thousands years from now in some retold and distorted form, it will be a fairytale, because it will have lost all meaning and all relevance. Isn't that right, Mithrandir?" 

Gandalf looked uncomfortable, "Something like that."

Bilbo and the dwarves looked around awkwardly, wondering what exactly was happening.

Bilbo began, "Um, I'm sorry, but what-" 

Elrohir kicked him under the table. 

After a longer, awkwarder pause, Kili asked, sounding genuinely confused, "Wait, how does someone kill a dragon the size of a mountain range?"

"Well, it's a very simple process," Elladan told him cheerfully, "You take a magic flying boat, and you ram it through the dragon."

"You're making that up," Kili stated.

"I most certainly am not," Elladan responded. 

"He isn't," Gandalf agreed. 

"He's telling the truth," Elrond added, very seriously, "I saw it myself."

Fili asked disbelievingly, "Is there some very simple process of getting a magic flying boat, then?" 

"That is a very long story," Elrond said quickly, "Suffice it to say, it was a gift from the Valar. And it did not come without a price, nor will its like be wrought on these shores or any other."

Bilbo started to ask a question.

Elrohir kicked him under the table, again. 

After yet another long pause, Kili said, "Shame that's off the table. It does sound useful."

Elladan looked as if he was trying very hard not to laugh and only mostly succeeding. 

Thorin, who, like the rest of the Company, had spent this entire conversation in varying stages of silent bewilderment and dismay, attempted to find a less tense conversation topic, "On our way here, we found a pair of Elvish blades. Perhaps you could help us identify them?"

"Of course," Elrond replied politely, relieved to have something to talk about that wasn't the First Age.

Maglor saw the swords, and promptly said a rather blasphemous phrase that is generally considered to be untranslatable from Feanorian Quenya, "These are the work of my brother, Curufin, and were given to Turgon of Gondolin and his lords. How in the name of all the Valar did you find them?" 

Thorin shrugged, somewhat baffled, "They were hidden in a troll-hoard."

Maglor held Glamdring, sounding like he couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry, "This is a fine blade, Thorin Oakenshield. Use it well."

Glorfindel delicately picked up Orcrist and murmured something in Quenya to it, seeming near tears. He then said, "This was the blade of Lord Ecthelion of Gondolin, who slew the lord of all Balrogs with it. I know not how it survived his fall, but wield it well, Mithrandir, and may you come to a better fate than its former bearer." 

Thorin muttered to Dwalin, "Remind me to stop trying to make conversation."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know canonically Gandalf uses Glamdring and Thorin uses Orcrist, but the scene works much better the other way around.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now for a complete change of tone and for this fic to start to really earn the "fae elves" tag.

This, said a voice in Bilbo's head that sounded a lot like his father, was a _terrible_ idea. Wandering around at night in this logic-defying elvish city where space seemed to shift and change around him was only going to end badly. 

But another voice, sounding very much like his mother, reminded him that he might never get a chance to explore an elvish city again. And a beautiful city it was, when reality held still long enough for it to be appreciated. 

If he listened carefully, he thought he could hear music coming from the forest, just within the city's wards. 

The Tookish voice and the beauty of the music won out, and he slipped towards the forest. 

Meanwhile, Elladan was sitting on the windowsill of Kili's room, grinning cheerfully, his silver rings glittering against his copper skin.

"How did you get in here?" Kili sounded astonished, "I turned around for five seconds-"

Elladan shrugged, "I asked the window to open."

This did not make Kili any less confused, "We have to be fifteen stories in the air!" 

"Seventeen, actually," Elladan corrected, "Come on, the dance has already started."

Kili stared, "What dance?" 

"There's a revel. Tonight," Elladan shifted awkwardly, adjusting a lock of midnight-dark hair, "We, um, didn't bring it up because it's not really a diplomatic atmosphere. Also, I'm pretty sure Ada wanted an excuse not to invite Mithrandir, because whatever happened in that conversation, dinner was-."

"Awful," Kili finished. 

"Pretty much," Elladan said, "Anyways, you can be my date."

Kili flushed. A moment later, what his mother sometimes referred to as his half-ounce of good Dwarven sense caught up to him, "Am I allowed to do that? Like, will someone try to kill me if I show up there?"

Elladan laughed, "No, the worst that will probably happen is some people pointedly side-eying you. And quite a few people won't even remember seeing you in morning."

Kili felt more than a bit silly, "Then I'll be your date. But we are going there the normal way, because I am not climbing down seventeen stories in the air."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Elladan semi-sneaks Kili into a revel, and no one particularly minds. 
> 
> Also in which Bilbo spies on a revel, and subsequently has a rather interesting conversation.

"So, what should I expect at the dance?" Kili sounded both excited and nervous as he and Elladan made their way towards the beautiful, unearthly music in the forest. 

Elladan shrugged, his brown skin glowing in the night, "The usual. A lot of dancing, a lot of drinking. Why? Is there some sort of very disturbing story that you've heard?" 

Kili winced, "Well, I was never sure if Nori was messing with me or not, but he says he's got a friend's cousin who swears that if you hear the songs at Elvish revels, you can't stop dancing until you die."

"It was one time thousands of years ago!" Elladan laughed, "At the Mereth Atherdad, Haru, Luthien, and Daeron started singing together, and they put a bit too much Will into their Song, so everyone got the compulsion to keep dancing. It lasted _an hour_ before my other grandad told them to cut it out, and they all apologized like a million times. I'm told that the worst part of it all was the blisters everyone got."

Kili blushed, "Well, if I ever see his friend's cousin, I'll tell him he's an idiot."

Elladan grinned, pulling off his boots, "I shudder to think of what he'd make of Great-Uncle Tyelkormo and the Tiara Incident."

"What-" Kili began to ask what the Tiara Incident was, and promptly froze, because Elladan had taken off his coat, revealing _very_ sheer robes underneath. 

"Mahal," Kili muttered, "Elladan, you're gorgeous."

Elladan laughed and pulled him towards the firelight of the revel. 

Meanwhile, Bilbo crept closer and closer to the music. The sound was lovely and compelling and utterly inhuman. 

From behind a tree, he peered into the clearing that the song was coming from. 

The elves, for all their poise and refinement, could _dance._

Bilbo watched and watched. It was honestly quite maddening to hear that music and not be able to dance to it. But it was very rude to show up at a party that one wasn't invited to, so he kept his distance. 

After he had been listening longingly for some time (Bilbo couldn't tell whether it had been a few minutes or a few hours), the lord of the city stared directly at his hiding place with impossibly bright eyes, "It isn't polite to eavesdrop, you know."

Bilbo froze. 

He quickly considered his options: run, or come out and talk. 

Bilbo really didn't want to leave and frankly, he was a little scared to run. Elrond had known exactly where he was, and there was something half-mad and fey in his expression that was quite frightening.

Bilbo slipped out from behind the tree and into the light.

"How did you know I was there?" Bilbo asked, sounding awfully guilty.

Elrond laughed, "It isn't enough to walk quietly. You also need to learn to think quietly."

"Are you saying you can hear me thinking?" Bilbo responded, confused.

"Of course," the bright-eyed lord grinned with awfully sharp teeth, "To conceal one's thoughts requires skill, to hide one's mind entirely more so. I take it you enjoy the music?"

"It's lovely," Bilbo shifted awkwardly, "I'm awfully sorry about spying on your party. I just heard the music and I thought-"

"There's no need to explain," Bilbo was really sure that people didn't have that many teeth, "I understand."

Oh. Right. Mind-reading. "Well, I suppose you do." 

The Baggins voice reared its head, and asked him what on earth he had been thinking, spying on elves, when he couldn't even sneak past a _troll_. What was he doing on this quest in the first place? Defending his adventurer's pride? He wasn't even an adventurer. 

"Oh, I wouldn't go that far. You made it here, didn't you?" Elrond sounded curious, but not unsympathetic.

"Well, it's true," Bilbo replied, "I'm not an adventurer or a hero! I barely got here in one piece."

Elrond looked very distant as he spoke, "Perhaps. But there are many objects of great power in the world, the Arkenstone being but one, and I should trust any of them more to humility than to great strength."

After a pause, he smiled, looking much more present, "And, as the Men say, there is a first time for everything."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel like there's a story there," Bilbo replied, "About you not trusting strong people with powerful things. Possibly several stories."

He laughed again, "It's not a story fit for a night of celebration."

Bilbo was about to respond to _that_ cryptic statement, when he noticed, "Wait, hold on, is that Kili over there?" 

Elrond did _not_ turn and see if it was, "Certainly."

"Are you going to do something about him?" Bilbo asked.

Elrond smiled, looking rather amused, "No. It isn't polite to dismiss guests."

Elves, Kili decided quickly, knew how to throw a party. 

Kili had half-expected Elvish music to be delicate and soft, but it wasn't. It was fast and wild and brought to mind the mad joy of running until you couldn't, of sparring until you collapsed, of dancing until your feet bled. It was exactly the sort of thing that belonged in their old campfire stories of the mad and terrible undying folk that preyed on good Dwarves lost in the woods. 

He had thought the strange, ever-changing lights in the air were fireworks until Elladan, laughing, explained that they were created by the Song. 

And, for some odd reason, all the Elves there seemed to be fond of dancing in elaborate skirts, but completely barefoot. How none of them had stepped on an anthill or poison ivy was a complete mystery. Probably some sorcery of theirs. 

And, even stranger, quite a lot of them had curly hair _without any frizz whatsoever,_ despite the incredibly humid air, when Kili's own hair had become a disaster after an hour in Imladris. Maybe they had really good conditioner. 

Nah, probably magic. 

Elladan had vanished a moment ago, and reappeared, wavy hair clinging to his flushed bronze skin. He was holding wine from Mahal-knows-where, "I bring gifts."

Kili took a sip. It was sweet enough for him to drain half the cup immediately, and strong enough to promptly make his head spin afterwards. 

Elladan laughed, "That's Dorwinion wine. It's stronger than you'd expect."

Kili blinked, trying to clear his head, "So I see."

Elladan finished his glass, "Want to dance again?"

Kili took his hand, "Anytime."

Kili couldn't tell how long he spent dancing with Elladan in that fire-lit clearing. Hours, he would have guessed, but it felt both longer and shorter at once. But unlike the Elves who apparently could dance barefoot for hours without getting tired, eventually his feet started to _really_ hurt. 

He said as much to Elladan, who pulled him to the edge of the clearing, and then further into the forest. He remember collapsing onto the ground, and hurried, messy kisses, and his hands in Elladan's soft, shadowy hair, and Elladan on top of him, dissolving into fragmented Quenya, which Kili could not have translated but understood just fine.


	9. Chapter 9

Something heavy, Kili thought in that vague and distant way that half-asleep people think, was on top of him. He opened his eyes.

That something was Elladan, who looked absolutely _adorable_ sleeping in that sheer dress of his and literally glowing in the sunlight.

Sunlight. Right, it was morning and- "Elladan, wake up. Someone is going to come looking for us."

Elladan blinked up at him with an excessive amount of sleepy eyes, "Is fine. It was a revel. Elrohir knows I'm with you."

"Well, my friends have no idea where I am and my uncle is probably having a heart attack right now," Kili responded. 

"He can have a heart attack if he wants to. We have healers," Elladan grumbled, but got up anyways, adjusting his curls, which _still looked perfect._ There _had_ to be sorcery involved there. 

Elladan pulled on his coat and boots, "Do you have a hair tie? I can't find any."

Kili tossed him a hair tie.

Elladan kissed him, "Thanks, _lissë._ "

"What on earth is going on?" Bilbo demanded, baffled at the commotion that had woken him up.

"We can't find Kili, so Thorin is having a heart attack," Balin helpfully explained.

"Have you tried asking someone if they've seen Kili?" Bilbo inquired. 

"We've _tried,_ but no one will admit to seeing him!" Thorin responded frustratedly, "If he's gone off and gotten himself into trouble again-"

"He's probably just gone to look for breakfast and gotten lost," Balin said in an attempt to sound reasonable and reassuring, "It's hard not to get lost in this city. I'm sure someone will find him."

Fili paused his panicked search, "Wait, that actually _does_ sound like Kili."

Thorin did not stop panicking or searching.

"Why don't we go down for breakfast and look for him on the way there?" Bilbo pointed out, "We're more likely to find someone that's seen him that way than we are to find Kili behind a sofa." 

The dwarves all considered the plan, and decided that it seemed reasonable, and, just as importantly, it led to breakfast.

They saw Elrohir in one of Imladris's seemingly endless staircases.

"Elrohir, you're Elrohir, right?" Bilbo asked, "Have you seen Kili? We can't find him." 

"I'll ask Elladan," Elrohir concentrated for a moment, "Elladan says that Kili is with him and you should all stop fussing. He also said that I should tell whichever one of you is Nori that your friend's cousin is a fool and Elvish music doesn't work like that. Anyone know what that's supposed to mean?"

Bilbo, who had become quite well versed in the Comapany's stories, inquired, "Is that your friend's cousin who has about thirty different stories about his distant relatives and his friends' distant relatives and his distant relatives' friends that all end in someone getting murdered by Elves?" 

"Well, probably, yes," Nori admitted.

"Well, Elrohir, please tell your brother he's right, because that fellow is a fool if ever I heard of one," Bilbo replied. 

"Hold on," Thorin said, "Why is Kili even with Elladan?"

"Well, probably Balin was right and Elladan just found Kili after he got lost," Fili said out of a general sense of brotherly camaraderie and also a desire to blackmail Kili in the future. 

Thorin turned around to ask Elrohir if that was true, and found that Elrohir, being Elrohir, had somehow vanished in the five seconds where no one had been looking right at him. 

"Well," Bilbo sighed, "I suppose we ought to go get breakfast, then." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quenya Translations:  
> Lisse - Sweetness


	10. Chapter 10

Kili reassured himself with the thought that breakfast could not possibly be more awkward than last night's dinner. It wasn't, but, then again, just about anything was less awkward than last night's dinner. 

Elves, being immune to most forms of illness and poisoning, do not get hangovers. This was fortunate, as virtually the entire court would have been hungover if they could, in fact, get hungover.

They also can, apparently, be up all night, and not be tired the next morning. 

Kili was of the opinion that the lucky bastards didn't know how good they had it, because although Dwarves also have excellent constitutions, they also require about the same amount of sleep as Men, and Kili had fallen asleep right before dawn. 

Elladan had dropped him off at his room to frantically change clothes so he didn't look like he'd been sleeping in the woods. 

When Elladan reappeared about five minutes later, he had somehow run halfway across the castle and back to elaborately braid his hair and change into a formal dress. Kili wasn't sure how he could move that fast. Probably magic. 

"Remember, if anyone asks, you went down to get breakfast early and got lost," Elladan reminded him, adjusting his skirts. 

"I know," Kili took his hand. 

He had very nice hands, Kili noticed, all calloused from fighting.

He only realized he had been staring when Elladan pulled him into a kiss. 

"Elladan, I need to-mmmm-people are going to come looking-" Kili valiantly tried and failed to get a full sentence out. 

"Let them," Elladan sank pointed teeth into Kili's neck, "They won't be able to find us." 

Kili began to say something about making people worry. Then Elladan began to unfasten his dress, and he promptly forgot to breathe. 

Later, when Elladan and Kili made their way to breakfast, the Company had stopped wandering around with all the purposefulness of a baffled flock of chickens and had finally started eating breakfast. 

"Where have you been?" Thorin demanded as soon as he saw them. 

"I got lost," Kili said, not terribly convincingly.

Thorin did not look impressed, "It has been _two hours_!" 

"I was really lost!" Kili replied, "Look, it's not my fault that this city is a labyrinth or that all of you take an age to wake up!"

"Hey!" Fili responded, "I'm not the one who slept through that ambush in Angmar!"

"Well, I'm not the one who-"

Glorfindel asked mildly, having wandered into the argument looking for Elladan, "Valar, what's gotten everyone so high-strung?" 

"We aren't high-strung!" Thorin sounded very offended for someone who wasn't high-strung. 

"Look here," Bilbo said firmly, "You are all my friends and I do respect and care about you, but the fact remains that you all once spent _two hours_ arguing about what goes on potato pancakes despite none of us having any potatoes or any of the toppings that you were claiming were fit or unfit for them!" 

"We were bored!" Fili defended, all previous grievances forgotten, "And it's obviously tomatoes!"

"No, it's not, it's jam," Elladan argued. 

"See, he agrees with me," Kili agreed, "Jam is better!"

"Sour cream," Elrohir looked up from his bacon, "Ada, back me up. Sour cream is better."

"I am not getting involved in this," Elrond wisely responded. 

Bilbo put his head in his hands, "We're doomed." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two headcanons I strongly hold are that both Noldor and Dwarves think dramatically arguing over the most inane nonsense is a fun pastime, and that latkes should exist in Middle Earth.

**Author's Note:**

> I love and appreciate comments and kudos.


End file.
